True Blood Recap: In the Evening

Filler episode, but I still liked it.

When we open, Eric is escaping with Norah and instructs Willa to tell their homies not to drink the tainted True Blood, or else they will end up with Hep-V, like his sis. They escape and Eric runs straight to Bill's house, begging him to save her. Norah doesn't want Lilith's blood, and Bill hypothesizes that perhaps Warlow's blood would help.


Sarah Newlin rolls up to the Governor's mansion and finds the slaughter. She comes up with a scheme with the Senator to cover up his death, and they decide to take over his role temporarily until True Blood hits the streets and vamps start dying.


Willa warns Pam and crew not to drink the TB, and offers to get her in Gen Pop. Pam tells her no thanks, she has her own connections. Pam gets to visit the resident psychologist, and seduces her way to a Gen Pop pass. Who needs to glamour when you have old school feminine wiles?


Sam and Nicole are still on the run. When Sam calls LaLa to check in on things, he finds out that Terry is dead. Sam and Nicole have one last bow-chicka-wow-wow and Sam sends her with her mother for safe keeping while he returns to Bon Temps.


Sookie has been in Fairy Land with Warlow, who has decided they are getting married immediately since they did the nasty. Sookie told him to get with modern times, women fuck on the first date now. Then Sook hears Arlene crying over Terry's grave, and catches up on the happs in Bon Temps. She walks Arlene home and LaLa is there with Holly and Andy. In the quote of the night, she walks up to Lafayette and calls him a "voodoo queer" for keeping the contents of Terry's safety deposit box secret. LaLa and Sokkie go open it, and discover a very generous life insurance policy. When they go back to tell Arlene, she is three sheets to the wind. Then Billith shows up unannounced-in the daylight.


Bill gives his condolences to Arlene (Terry was a distant relative after all) and then he makes his way over to Andy and offers his condolences for the loss of his three daughters. They have a Godfather like coded conversation about the continued health of their daughters. Okayyyyyyyyy. Then Bill pulls Sookie over to the side and tells her to produce Warlow or shits gonna get real.

Jason gets some guards to collect Jess and bring her to a private conference room. He tells her that he is going to rescue her. She asks him to bring in James (APPLAUSE) so that she can thank him (WINK) for being so nice to her the other day. Jason goes to get him, and gives them privacy. Jessica and James talk about humanity and blah blah blah BOW CHICKA WOW WOW.


Meanwhile, Jason is outside the door and Sarah Newlin walks up. She informs him that the governor is dead, so he is fucked. The guards nick him with a knife and send him to female Gen Pop 1. The women smell blood and are about to attack, when Tara tells them to BTFU.

They seem likely to ignore her until the mysterious vamp who seems to lead them issues a directive that Jason is hers. Jason, whose middle name is DumbAsABagOfRocks, seems intrigued.

Alcide drops his father off at his trailer, and his father tries to get him to give up pack life, but Alcide isn't hearing it. He returns to the pack, and tells them that Sam and Nicole are dead, and that he returned Emma to her grandmother. His (soon to be ex I assume) girlfriend called him out in front of the pack as a liar, and produces Nicole and her mother, her hostages.


Bill feeds Norah despite her earlier protests, because Eric promises complete loyalty to him if he tries. While waiting for Bill, Eric and Norah take a trip down memory lane to when they first met and Norah was dying a terrible death then, too. He took her to Godric and that's how she became his sister. Eric was praying to Billith, Godric, whoever else would listen to spare his sister. In the end, she died a horrible death.


Eric has vengeance in his SOUL. Lookout world!

Lingerie Wars: A PG-13 Read

Lingerie Wars (Invertary #1) by Janet Elizabeth Henderson
This was a book that was full of odd ducks and hilarious characters. I totally found myself smiling as I read it, even when I wanted to roll my eyes.

This was a contemporary story set in a small Scottish town, but it was a classic fade-to-black romance (in that it faded to black when it got to the bow-chicka-wow-wow parts.) I don't always need smut, but the lead ins to the sex scenes were so hot, it was a disappointment not to get more information, especially when the characters were really active (once they decided to be, anyway.)

Kirsty Campbell is a former lingerie model but current lingerie store owner. The only other competition in town is a store owned by Lake Benson and ran by his sister Rainne(short for Rainbow. They were raised in a commune.) Lake wants to turn the failing shop around and sell it so he can get his investment back and start a security company with an old Special Forces pal of his, and he turns this Lingerie War into a town-wide spectacle. They are extremely attracted to each other, and hijinks ensue.

This is not my usual read, and it took me a long time to plow through it, partly because I feel like it could have been a short story as opposed to a full length novel, but I did enjoy it once I got to the second half, and then I read right through. Fun pg-13 read.

True Blood Recap: Don't You Feel Me?

A pivotal episode...

When we start, LaLa is still possesed by the former Mr. Stackhouse and is drowning Sookie:


Bill feels that Sookie is in distress, but since it's the daytime, he has to send Warlow out to save her. He saves her, and sends Lafayette on his way after Sook tells her dad to fuck off, forever. When Bill decides to summon Warlow back, Sookie takes him to the secret fairy place where Bill can't contact him.

Bill, concerned that he summoned Warlow too hard, went to look for Jessica and realized she was gone-and had been taken. He tries to contact Lilith, but she ignores him for now.

Back at the faerie wonderland, Sookie and Warlow are getting to know each other better. He makes her tie him up for her safety, then tells his life story; she makes fun of his attempted arranged marriage, he confesses he wants to be with her forever- if he turns her, then they can just feed off of each other for eternity and never have to hurt anyone again to feed.


Meanwhile, at vamp camp, Eric and Pam are facing off with the secret audience of Sarah, the Gov, Steve Newlin, and a few other creepers gleefully anticipating bloodshed. However, Eric and Pam have been around too long for reindeer games. Instead of attacking each other, they attack the two guards hiding out in the room. Eric peeks through a hole in the one way mirror and declares,"I see you Steve Newlin." So, that sounded ominous.

Last week we wondered if Alcide's dad would rat out Sam and Nicole, and he did, eventually. After some convincing from Nicole, Sam decided to call Martha and give Emma back to her. Martha promises to Sam that she is leaving the pack and will raise Emma alone. Alcide uses his nose to catch up to Sam and Nicole, and instead of killing them, threatens Sam to stay out of smell range of the pack-Shreveport, Bon Temps, basically Louisiana.

He is still a dick, but less so this week.

Terry shows up at LaLa's door with the key to his safe deposit box and a goodbye hug. It's obvious that he is getting his affairs in order. Lafayette makes a call to Arlene about this strange encounter, and she fears that Terry is going to commit suicide. She and Holly cook up a scheme to have a friend of a friend of a friend who is a vampire come and glamour Terry, so he can forget all about the war and the marines, and all the bad things that make him feel so guilty. It works.


Back at vamp camp, Jason has charmed his way up the ladder in vamp camp guard service by boasting about all of his exploits in killing vampires. Eventually, he winds up in the same room as Sarah Newlin. He threatens to expose her sexual history with him if she exposes him-he wants to save Jessica. Sarah gets back at him by making him observe Jessica in the copulation room.
  

However, the very cute vampire James declares that he is a vampire, not a rapist. He refuses to have sex with Jess and get UV burns for his trouble. There is no forced sex this day, but Sarah makes her point clear-she can make Jessica's life hell.

Vamp camp was busy. The Gov decided to torture Eric by sending his sister to him and making Eric watch while she slowly dies of poisoning. Then Gov decided to visit his daughter and she demands to be put in gen pop with the rest of the vamps. He relents, and she hooks back up with Tara,who is taking her under her wing.


Eric is tired of watching his sister die, so he summons Molly and they start trying to break out of the camp. Along the way, Eric discovers the True Blood facility, and that they are tainting the bottles with poison.
Can we talk about Eric's costumes this season? Love!

Back at Merlotte's, Terry is a happy, content, good guy. He takes the trash out and...
RIP Terry. Hope to see you as a ghost soon.

After a very unsatisfying confrontation with Lillith (and her bloody trio of merkin wearing minions) Bill decides he needs to wreck shop. He loads up on Warlows blood and takes a walk in the daylight, directly up to the Gov at vamp camp. After some pretty impressive displays of power (wow!) Bill demands info from Truman. Truman decides to be a martyr, and Bill obliges...by ripping his head clean off. Wowsers.


Finally, Sookie gets tired of talking to Warlow and decides to jump his bones. They make fae-freaky-love where apparently you glow when you orgasm.
So...that's interesting. I wonder if that was some sort of ritual, since they shared blood. Guess we will find out next week!

Suits Season 3 Premiere: The Arrangement

If you don't watch Suits, you are missing out.
First of all there is Harvey-Cocky Bad Ass Closer Lawyer with the Best.Hair.Ever.



Then there is his protege Mike, who has a photographic memory and a fraudulent Harvard degree.
 
Then we have Jessica, the Original Bad Ass Lawyer, who's name is on the door and once upon a time Harvey was her protege. I want to be her when I grow up. Also, her WARDROBE! Amazeballs.

Now we have Donna, who is Harvey's loyal (to a fault) assistant. Everybody loves Donna.


And while we are on the fabulous women of Suits and their fabulous wardrobes, we have brilliant paralegal and Mike's kryptonite, Rachel.

Finally, we have Louis, the partner everyone loves to hate until he randomly proves he has a gooey center.



This season opener has the formerly Pearson-Hardman firm merged with the Brits, and is now Darby-Pearson. Mike, under pressure from Jessica to expose his secret to the Justice Department, betrayed Harvey to make the merger happen. He ended up with an Associate's office and no Harvey. Harvey has not forgiven him, and by proxy, neither has Donna. This episode: Mike spent the whole time trying to get Harvey to forgive him, but Harvey wasn't budging, citing Loyalty. It shouldn't have mattered what Jessica threatened Mike with, Harvey wanted Mike to come to him with everything. In the end, Mike told Jessica to take her office and shove it, he was going back to his cubicle with the rest of the grunts.


Speaking of Mike, he and Rachel FINALLY happened when he came clean to her about his fraudulent Harvard career. She slapped him in the file room and then they proceeded to get busy. This episode: Rachel was having morning after second thoughts and told Mike she needed time to process his lies and their sexual escapade. Mike gave her two days, and couldn't wait anymore. She fired back at him that she didn't know anything about him, so how could she make an informed choice about what to believe? Well, Mike went back to her house, and told her in no uncertain terms that he would tell her his life story-she could either tell him to get out, or if she accepted him, they were not going to leave the bed. Cue to: the next morning. YES!


Harvey didn't want this merger to happen. He wanted to take down all the competition and make the firm Pearson-Specter. However, Jessica is the boss, and after he lost a wager (thanks to Jessica's handling of Mike) she told him to deal with it, be humble, and stay in his place. The best way to get him to behave was to orchestrate a game with Darby, who wants Harvey to represent a personal friend of his from some nasty charges. (I see you Cat Stark!)


After trying to deal with the prosecutor, who is an old colleague of Harvey's, and it goes sour, Harvey decides he never backs down from a fight and tells Darby if he wins this case, he wants Darby to help him take down Jessica. That will be the clash of the titans for sure.


In other news, Louis Litt got outplayed by his contemporary from the British office. The merge was nasty, and there was some bloodshed that started a blood feud with Litt and Nigel. Nigel was always 3 steps ahead of poor Louis.


One of my summer addictions is back!!!

True Blood Recap: Fuck the Pain Away

This episode had periods of genius and periods of re-done drama more stale than a watered down O-Negative True Blood.

So, when the episode opens, Creepy Hot Guy Ben is confirmed as Way Too Intense Warlow. We'll call him Warlow for short. Instead of immediately killing the  creature that she thinks killed her parents and scores of fae over the centuries, Sookie has a "me" moment (surprise) and takes the time to ream Warlow out-and vampires in general- because she is Sookie Stackhouse and these bratty episodes of her are appealing? and par for the course.









But I love you, Sookie!



When Sookie asks him why he thought it was cool to kill her parents since he is all in love with her, Warlow reveals to her that he saved her life-her parents were actually trying to kill her. She basically tells him to fuck off, but then Bill shows up. Since Bill is mostly Lillith, he uses those old Maker tricks to command Warlow to accompany him home.

Back at home, Jessica is still coming to terms with her homicidal rampage and the high associated with fae blood. Andy gets to the house and sees all of his daughters laid out, dead. Except, wait! There is one still alive, barely! He takes her from the house, feeds her from an old vial of V, and she starts coming around.

The Gov (Truman) and Sarah are having a little tiff. She came over in her best black lingerie to get a ring and a baby from Truman, and he is still obsessing over his newly vampire daughter. What a loser! So, Sarah picks up her toys, goes to Jason's house, and fucks him- because that's what God told her to do!

However, Jessica shows up at Jason's house and Sarah doesn't appreciate Jason dipping his wick into vampires, so, kind of cat fight?

Sarah wins that fight because she had Jessica arrested and sent to vampire camp. Pam was arrested last week, so Tara and Eric got themselves arrested to rescue her. It's a regular party! 

As Pam is adjusting to prison/vampire camp, she end up getting chatty during a therapy session with a shrink. Pam is smart,  but so is he. Also, he has a snack!

Alcide is still being a dick, and still looking for Sam and crew. His father calls him out on it, and asks if his motives are for the pack or for that "piece of ass." Alcide tells him if he doesn't like the way he runs things, he can leave the pack. His father points out he never joined the pack. So there! And, can I get some cash, I'm running low.

Nicole wakes up with a case of the morning-afters, and laments discovering what it really means to be a shifter. However, she is still living in a dream world, since she attempts to contact her parents. Sam tells her she  has to leave her old life behind. As they argue in front of a payphone, Alcide's father comes out of his motel room across the way and spots them. He has a naked chick in his room, so...priorities.

Terry calls in an old sharpshooter friend. Terry wants to hire this friend to murder him. 

Psst. Arlene doesn't know.

Billith and Warlow are not getting along. Since Jessica attacked the Fae Four, Bill has been harvesting Warlow's blood and we get to see a little background on ole Warlow. Lilith and her merkin discover Warlow one night down by the river. She walks up to him, naked as usual, and after smelling him, hops up on his waist and copulates in probably the fastest TB sex scene ever. She turns Warlow into a vampire and despite her warnings not to return to his people, he does, and accidentally slaughters them. Little toddler Niall was the only survivor.

In the end, Warlow and his dimples hold Bill's scientist hostage.

Finally we get back to Sookie and my fave, LaLa! Sookie struts into Merlotte's grill, and Lafayette is like, "Bitch, I know you aren't here to work, so what's up?" Turns out, she wants LaLa to perform a seance to see if Warlow was telling the truth about her parents.

Yaaaaas! This look is everything.

So they perform the seance and she finds out he was telling the truth! Warlow went to her parents and told them his plans for Sookie, and how he would make her immortal. How he loved her and would make her a princess since he was a prince. Her father wasn't feeling that shit at all, and decided he would rather kill Sookie than sign her over to Warlow. (I mean, he already had a son, and this girl was weird anyway.)

During the seance, Sook's father jumped into LaLa's body (he really needs to find a way to repel that!) and decides to repeat history by taking Sookie to the lake and drowning her.

 Annnnnnnnnd....scene.

Also, Jason signs up to be a guard at vamp camp to save Jessica. It's like Fellowship of the Sun all over, except Jason loves vamps this time!

See y'all next week.

Review: Don't Look Away

Don't Look Away (Veronica Sloan #1) by Leslie Kelly


4.5 Stars
This procedural thriller was set in the mid 20's future, five years post the worst terrorist attack in US history.  Sloan and her partner Daniels are called in to take over a murder scene that happened under the site of construction of the new White House. A woman was brutally carved up and decapitated in the subbasement, but the woman was special-she was part of an elite group of citizens in the OEP program-as were Sloan and her Daniels.  The Optical Evidence Program was a scientific marvel-cameras were connected to the subject's brain and their eyes captured everything, almost like a video camera.  Things started getting hairy when more OEP participants start dying up and down the I-95 corridor, and Sykes, a magnetic nemesis from training, is brought in from NYC to be Sloan's partner for the case.

This book was a page turner from start to finish. Ronnie Sloan was tough, vulnerable, smart, and despite her best efforts, sexy. I love a good thriller, and this delivers. The new world created here is hauntingly familiar and sadly realistic. There were some true humorous moments as the author added in some future innovations for current companies, such as the Wal-Mart Villas or the Google Face Recognition online search.

Great read, and I am picking up the next book immediately!

ARC Review: Meet Your New Fifty Shades- A Million Dirty Secrets

A Million Dirty Secrets (Million Dollar Duet #1)

It seems like a lot of books in the past couple of years promise to be the next Fifty Shades or Bared to you. Usually they are wrong. A Million Dirty Secrets (another story that started out as Twilight fan-fic), however, actually delivers on this promise - provided you stick around after the first two chapters.

The premise of this book is compelling-a young woman decides to whore herself our for two years to the highest bidder in an elite underground sex slave/escort auction to pay for her terminally ill mother's medical bills. She also happens to be a virgin (on a personal note, virgins in contemporary settings bother me because usually they are written too innocent to be believable.) She meets her millionaire, and they fall in love, Pretty Woman style.

At the opening if the book, you meet Lanie Talbot on the way to the auction to  sell herself for two years. Her mother needs a heart transplant and her father quit work to take care of her full time. At the auction, a bidding war between a mysterious man and a Jabba the Hut creeper ends with the mystery man paying a cool 2 million dollars for Lanie for 2 years of "service". The winner is multimillionaire Noah Crawford, who decided on a whim that buying loyalty for two years was better than being betrayed by the one you love.

The first two chapters are a challenge because despite her noble intentions, Lanie is not very likable. She decides to auction herself off as a live-in escort, but doesn't prepare and balks at the idea of performing sex acts. She is snappish and bratty with Noah, and considering what he could be doing to get his rocks off, it annoyed me. A lot.

However, after the first two chapters, Noah gives as good as he gets from Lanie, and their relationship is at it's hottest when they are fighting-Noah loves it, and so it makes sense for Lanie to behave the way she does because it turns him on.

This book was written with a lot of wry humor, some inner monologue that will be familiar to Fifty Shades fans, and it was a treat to read events through Noah's POV. These two were hot, and I believed it when they started to fall in love.

This is a two part story, so there will be another book after this one. I am definitely looking forward to the conclusion of the story of Lanie and Noah.

4 stars.

True Blood Recap: At Last

Interesting episode this week...

When the episode opens, Jason looks like he is at death's door-his pulse is weak and Sookie has run to call 911. While she is gone, Weird Hot Guy Ben ponders over Jason's body and come to a decision. He saves Jason by sprouting vampire fangs, biting himself, and feeding Jason his blood.

Quickest. Recovery. Ever.

Unfortunately for Jason, the side effects kick in and a)he has all this crazy energy and b) he has one of those freaky sex dreams about Weird Hot Guy Ben.

Meanwhile, Niall is out chasing Eric's Weird Sister, and she spouts some vampire bible crap-basically its going to be a Bill vs Warlow showdown. Then Niall and Eric's Weird Sister get into a fight and she gets taken down by the Governor's people. Oops.

Eric and Pam summon naughty Tara and find out where she stashed the Gov's daughter. Eric catches up to her and she begs Eric to let her help him. And taste his blood. So, he lets her, and turns her.

Then he sends her ass home to her father, where she interrupts some almost Creepy Sexy Times with her dad and Sarah Newlin. Unfortunately, while trying to convince her dad that vampires are people, too, she succumbs to the allure of her father's bloody injured hand he kept waving in her face. Sarah shoots her and tell Gov he has to send her to the camp.

Sinners have souls too, daddy!

Sam and crew escape the werewolves by the hair of their chinny-chin-chins. Lafayette has the getaway vehicle, and they roll the hell out.

Alcide still can't keep his bitch on a leash, but at least he is trying to be more of a leader. He is still a dick, tho.

Sam tells LaLa to buzz off and protect himself. Then he, Nicole, and Emma find a hotel room to catch some Z's. After a little confession and some whiskey, Sam and Nicole...

I love Sam, if for no other reason than the fact that he is always down with brown.

Bill and Jessica are stalking the Fae Four, who has gone from pre-teen brats to sorority bitches overnight. They get their opportunity to pounce when the girls decide to raid Aunt Arlene's closet and take daddy Sheriff's car joyriding. As they try to buy beer, Jessica intercepts them and asks if they want to party at her house-I mean, her dad is so totally cool!

Back at the ranch, Sookie finds some of Weird Hot Guy Ben's blood and figures out why Jason recovered so fast. She sets a plan in motion to get Weird Hot Guy Ben to her place and test him with some Shug Avery silver in his food.

Jason and Niall figure out that his freaky sex dream is because that damn Ben is half fae, half vamp. It must be Warlow! Then they confront him and lose spectacularly. To his credit, Ben/Warlow was nude...so that was fun. Jason got glamoured and instead of killing Niall, Ben/Warlow almost drains him of blood to weaken him. Then B/W gives Niall a touch of his own blood so he doesn't die, and throws him in the fae portal.

Sookie gets tarted up for her date, and lets B/W in even tho he was sooo late getting rid of her grandfather and stuff.

I'd fuck me.

He passes the Shug Avery silver test, and nothing happens. Sookie fucks on the first date, so they adjourn to the couch and start making out. Then she tells him, "Get the fuck off of me Warlow, or I'll kill you." Will her big ball of Fae. (I'm Just Saying-some crazy hybrid has been killing my family off for centuries, he doesn't get a warning shot. Whatever, Sook.)

Bill has been "humanely" gathering samples of the Fae Four so his kidnapped scientist can study it. Once they get bored of being poked and prodded, the Four decide to leave and Jessica stops them. She is overcome by the fae blood and ends up draining all four girls.

This was, of course, after she berated Bill earlier about not wanting the girls to get hurt. Poor Jess, she was inconsolable. Maybe they aren't dead...guess we will find out next week.

See you then!