Miss Boxy Frown: True Blood Recap: Dead Meat

This episode made me feel so many things:

When the episode opens, Eric is grieving over his sister's...remains. Bill came up empty handed with no Warlow, so Eric is pissed, especially when he finds out the reason-Sookie is hiding him. Eric and Bill have a pissing contest and although Bill is obviously stronger, Eric is smarter. They part ways like tween frenemies.

Alcide is confronted by his spiteful and power hungry booty call. She wants to challenge him for pack master, and tells him outright she will win because Alcide won't kill her. Turns out she was right, albeit with an ass whipping to recover from. Alcide leaves the pack (yay!) and returns Nicole and her mother to Sam.

Ugh. Bet it's not the last we see of her.

Jason is figuring life out, belonging to Violet and all now. She sets him straight-he belongs to her, now and forever. I don't know who she is or how old she is, but even Pam isn't fucking with her.

Sookie approaches Warlow with Bill's plan to help the other vamps. Warlow agrees, but only if Sookie turns and marries him. He has been waiting for 6000 years after all. Sookie laments not having a man in her life who only wants to go on a date. She leaves Warlow to ponder this decision...but Eric is waiting in the graveyard, trying to find a way to get to Warlow.

Jessica and James are basking in their post bow-chicka glow, and that comes to a close as they finally get busted by guards. Meanwhile, Pam has had a successful visit with the doc as he sends her to gen pop.

Steve Newlin, everyone's favorite douche, sidles up to James in gen pop. Being a nice guy, James can't watch Steve drink the tainted TB in front of him, and warns him not to drink it. This will end well!

Nicole and her mother bunk at Sam's. Mama still doesn't know her little Nicole has been hooking up with the very mature Sam. She heads off to bed and Sam and Nicole grab a private moment before he inhales her scent deeply, then sends her to bed as well.

At the bar, Alcide and Sam drink heavily, and we find out that whatever Sam smells, Alcide does, too. The plot thickens!

YUM.

Sookie goes to visit Bill and give him an update on the Warlow situation. Bill doesn't want an update, he wants results. As usual, Sookie's self importance takes front seat. She throws out that Warlow wants to turn her and marry her, and expects Bill to capitulate to her. He tells her he doesn't care-in fact, maybe it will be better for everyone if she does. She tells him to fuck off. He tells her she better make a decision quick.

Awkwardly, that decision was to go to Sam, look longingly into his eyes, and offers him a chance at a relationship when they just discussed his new gf Nicole. Sam basically responds with, What the actual fuck?, which is what we were all thinking. He tells her forget it, Nicole is pregnant, so new even she doesn't know it yet. Of course, Sookie starts being Sookie and Sam tells her to butt out. More like butthurt.

Steve Newlin spills the beans about why some vamps arent drinking the blood. He gets himself and James put in the sun room. Idiot.

Arlene finds out from LaLa that Terry took out life insurance for 2 million dollars. She doesnt want the money, she wants justice. Andy convinces her to let Terry's final wishes to be carried out. She agrees, but she is also going toe to toe with the society Belfluers about the kind of funeral Terry would want. (Remember when Bill was dating that Belfluer who was his cousin, then he dumped her?)

After whining at her parents' graves, Sookie decides to accept Warlow's proposal. She contacts Bill, then dresses up like the corpse bride. Only problem is, when they get to Warlow, he has been drained. Guess Eric found a way in after all. And he was a busy man! He also fed on Andy's daughter, but he let her go.

Sarah Newlin is slowly unhinging. Well, maybe not so slowly, but she is getting sloppy. When confronted by the angry and ass kicking scientist who created True Blood, she has the mother of all catfights with her, and bashes the woman in the head with her own shoe. Once again, what the actual fuck?